by Art Muir, Former Momentum Chief
I've come to believe the strongest predictor of doing well in retirement isn't wealth. It's meaningful relationships. The long-running Harvard Study of Adult Development backs that up, strong social connections predict happiness, health, and life satisfaction in later life better than almost anything else researchers have measured.
That's a research finding, but I didn't need the study to see it — I've watched it play out from the front of the room, week after week, for years. I know men with a healthy portfolio and no one to call on a bad day, and by any honest measure, they aren't doing well in retirement. I know men with a lot less saved and a team of people who show up for them, and they are. This last piece is about what actually makes that kind of team work, because I've now seen good ones and bad ones both.
What I've seen work
The groups that actually help their members share a few things in common, in my experience:
Regular meetings, weekly or monthly not “whenever we can make it happen”
The same people showing up, so trust has time to build
A mix of doing something together and actually talking
Real confidentiality, so men are willing to say what's true
A willingness to go past sports and politics
Some of the groups I've seen are built around an activity, hiking, meeting for coffee, woodworking, cars, volunteer work. Others are built around conversation, closer to peer support than a hobby club. The ones I've found most valuable usually do both: something to do together, and a habit of being honest while you're doing it.
What I've seen go wrong
Not every men's group is good for you, and I've sat in on a few that weren't. The warning signs I'd watch for:
Constant political arguments
Complaining that never turns into anything else
One guy dominating every conversation
Confidentiality that doesn't actually hold
Pressure to agree with everyone else's views
A good group should leave you feeling more energized and connected, not drained. If a group is consistently leaving you worse off, that tells you something about that group, not about whether groups in general are worth your time.
Start before you think you need it
If I could tell every man walking into retirement one thing, it would be this: join a group before you think you need it. Almost every man I've worked with waited until he already felt the gap. It's a lot easier to build these relationships while life still feels full than to try to rebuild a social network from nothing after the fact.
I'd put it this way: retirement planning really has four parts, financial capital, physical health, mental engagement, and social capital. Most men spend decades building the first one and don't think about the fourth until it's already thin. The retired men I know who are genuinely thriving have a standing gathering where people know their story, notice when they're missing, and help them through whatever comes next. A good men's group gives them exactly that.
That's the end of this series. If any part of it sounded like your own life, the fix, in my experience, isn't complicated, it's a standing room of other men. Find a Momentum team near you, or come see how it works at our next Open Circle.
Want to find out more? Reach out to us.
Frequently Asked Questions
What's the strongest predictor of a good retirement?
Meaningful relationships, more than wealth. The Harvard Study of Adult Development found strong social connections predict happiness, health, and life satisfaction better than almost any other factor.
What makes a men's group actually work?
Regular meetings, the same people showing up so trust builds, real confidentiality, and conversation that goes beyond sports and politics.
Should retired men rely only on their spouse for emotional support?
Routing all emotional weight through one relationship puts a lot of pressure on it and creates a single point of failure. A broader support network, like a men's group, helps share that load.
What are warning signs of a bad men's group?
Constant political arguments, one person dominating every conversation, complaining with no follow-through, and confidentiality that doesn't hold.
When should a man join a retirement-focused men's group?
Before he thinks he needs it. It's easier to build these relationships while life still feels full than to rebuild a social network from nothing later.
How do I find a men's group near me?
Momentum For Men runs weekly teams built around real brotherhood and accountability. Find a team near you or come see how it works at an Open Circle.
About Momentum for Men
Momentum for Men is a volunteer-led 501(c)(3) nonprofit founded in 1991. We run peer-led men’s teams in the San Francisco Bay Area and online — no membership fees, no clinical structure, just men supporting men. To learn more or find a team Contact Us.