6 Ground Rules That Make a Men’s Group Actually Work
by Art Muir, Former Momentum Chief
The single biggest predictor of whether a men’s team lasts isn’t the men who are in it. It’s the ground rules they actually hold to. Momentum’s teams operate under 6 ground rules that have held up for three and a half decades.
1. Confidentiality
What is said in the group stays in the group. This is the rule that makes every other rule possible. Without airtight confidentiality, men don’t share what’s actually going on, and the whole model collapses.
2. Attendance
Members commit to attending consistently. Occasional absences happen; chronic absence quietly undermines the group. Men’s teams work because the same men keep showing up, week after week, year after year.
3. Punctuality
Meetings start on time. Late arrivals disrupt check-ins and signal that the group is optional. Punctuality is a small rule that carries enormous weight.
4. Active Listening
When another man is sharing, the job of the group is to listen — not to check phones, not to formulate a response, not to rehearse a story. Real listening is rarer than you’d think, and it’s the core deliverable of a men’s team.
5. “I” Statements
Men speak from their own experience rather than making general claims. “I felt stuck” instead of “everyone feels stuck.” This rule keeps conversations personal, honest, and free of preaching.
6. No Fixing
This is the hardest rule for men. When another man shares something difficult, the instinct is to solve it. Men’s teams explicitly reject that instinct. Peer support is not advice-giving. You are there to witness, not to fix.
Why These Rules Are Non-Negotiable
Every time a men’s team starts to fail, it’s traceable to one of these rules getting soft. Confidentiality leaks. Attendance drops. Someone starts giving unsolicited advice. The discipline around these rules is what separates a men’s team that lasts decades from one that fizzles in six months.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the ground rules for a men’s group?
The six core ground rules are: confidentiality, attendance, punctuality, active listening, using “I” statements, and no fixing. These are the rules Momentum teams have used for 35 years.
Is everything shared in a men’s group confidential?
Yes. Confidentiality is the foundational rule of any men’s peer group. Without it, men don’t share honestly and the group can’t function.
What does “no fixing” mean in a men’s group?
“No fixing” means the group doesn’t offer unsolicited advice or try to solve each other’s problems. Peer support is about being witnessed, not being fixed.
What if a man breaks confidentiality in a men’s group?
It’s a serious breach. The group addresses it directly and, if necessary, asks the member to leave. The trust of every other man depends on it.
About Momentum for Men
Momentum for Men is a volunteer-led 501(c)(3) nonprofit founded in 1991. We run peer-led men’s teams in the San Francisco Bay Area and online — no membership fees, no clinical structure, just men supporting men. To learn more or find a team Contact Us.